Are My Parents Being Fair?

Dear Brother Ron

My mother tells me about her problems and says she is going to die and then she never does. She just told me this and now I'm scared and I don't know what to think. She brings everyone down and right now my dad is very sick and won't take medicine or go to the doctor. I'm 15 and I now have a lot of extra stress to deal with. They don't know my problems and the extra hurt I'm feeling now. They also don't notice that prescription narcotics are making me ill and I am becoming anorexic.


Dear Heart

You are either in a very dangerous and dysfunctional situation or you are playing a really sick joke. For the sake of argument, we'll assume you are being serious. For openers, you say your mother tells you about her problems and says she is going to die but never does. You sound almost disappointed about this but you say it scares you. So here's what I want you to do. The next time she starts carrying on, ask her what she wants you to do about it. If she does not expect you to help, what is her point? Either she is just playing the game of poor pitiful me or she is trying to use guilt as a controlling tactic.

It takes two to play this game. Don't let yourself get sucked into it. It's a loser. The same is true for your dad. If he is not willing to help himself, you do not need to stress yourself about him. He's a grown man. He knows what he needs to do. If he won't do it, it's not your problem. You don't need to stress about something you can't do anything about.

Regarding your problems, the first thing you need to do is check yourself into a rehabilitation facility. Your health is in serious danger and you need immediate attention. In addition to helping you overcome your addiction and eating disorder, the therapists will work with your parents to help them overcome their abusive behaviors.

From what you tell me, your parents are using you to satisfy their own emotional needs and have no regard for your own well-being. It is time to stop being a victim and take control of your situation. I realize you are only 15 and much too young to have such responsibility thrust upon you. But since your parents are unable or unwilling to be concerned for your welfare, you are going to have to be the one to take the initiative. This is not going to be easy. The situation has probably been developing for some time and will not be resolved overnight. But until you take action to change things, nothing is going to change. Do not wait. You are in danger NOW. You need to take action NOW.

Please let me know how I can be of further assistance.

Best always
Brother Ron

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I do not claim to have all the answers. I don't even have all the questions. But over the years, many people have sought advice and opinions about matters related to religion and spirituality. I am providing my answers to their questions, not as a definitive authority, but as a starting point for discussion and meditation. If you find my answers helpful, I rejoice for you. If they lead you to find the truth of God within you, I will believe I have rendered a service to our Father.

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