Brother Ron Barnes
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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

                How Can a Christian Man Deny His Own Child? 

 

Dear Brother Ron

 

I fell in love with a married man through my own faults and sins. I recognize this and I am truthfully sorry for what I have done. I am a Catholic who is raising my 9 yr old with the Catholic beliefs and school system. He is a Christian with 3 children all over the age of 11. Our affair lasted 2 years which was full of shared emotions. We both truly believed we were soul-mates. He wanted me to continue building a relationship with him until all the kids were grown and moved on. Then we would be together. After finding out I was unexpectedly pregnant he decided he was doing wrong in God's eyes and had to go back and focus on his first family.

 

He has stated only 2 days after professing his deep undying love for me that he wants nothing to do with the child, does not even want to meet it. He wants me to give the child up for adoption. I can not do this. My family and I are excited about the new addition, and will love him no matter what. In our eyes, this child is still a child of God, regardless of how he came to be. I am struggling with the emotions of having my heart broken, but more so with the dread of answering the question, "why don't I have a daddy". Explaining to a child that his father doesn't want him doesn't seem fair to the innocent. I have read the Bible and cannot find a passage that says to turn away from a child. I understand turning away from me and the sin we committed together, but your own son? Please help me understand from your perspective, I am loosing sleep.

 

Tinkerbelle

 

Dear Tinkerbelle

 

An adult is one who is willing and able to take responsibility for his actions and the consequences of those actions. Unfortunately, you did not fall in love with an adult. You fell in love with a spoiled child. Your first clue should have been his plan to wait until the children were grown and gone before establishing a permanent relationship with you. That should have set off alarm bells about his ability and desire to accept responsibility.

Explain to your child that you wanted him to be surrounded by love. Unfortunately, his father had a sickness of the heart which killed his ability to love his child. Since you did not want the child to feel rejected, you chose to protect him from this sickness. It's not that his father chose not to love him, the disease of the heart prevented him from doing so.

The important thing is for your son not to feel and guilt or responsibility for his father's absence. Your child is loved by you, your family and God. Let him know he is worthy of that love and that he will always be able to depend on that love and support. Don't let his future be hampered by negative feelings caused by a past for which he was not responsible.

Best always
Brother Ron